December 2009
14 posts
O, blasphemy! How tender your embrace!
I just put some bibles in the fireplace to break Santa’s fall. Gotta be lookin’ out for the big guy, y’know? On that note, I’m wondering…if a lunatic Christian took a shit that looked like Jesus or the Mother Mary…do you think they’d tell anybody? Or, would that kind of bad omen demand a hasty flushing? Also, if I were to eat a potato chip that looked like...
2009.
It’s honestly been one of the worst years of my life.
My top 10 albums of the year.
1. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion 2. WHY? - Eskimo Snow 3. Justin Townes Earle - Midnight at the Movies 4. Steve Earle - Townes 5. Wilco - Wilco (the album) 6. Neko Case - Middle Cyclone 7. Karen O & the Kids - Where the Wild Things Are Soundtrack 8. Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca 9. Mos Def - The Ecstatic 10. Norah Jones - The Fall
My internal monologue, or mere megalomania.
“But,” I said to God, smirked face and all. Leave it to me to disrespect my superiors, “aren’t we just argyle and stardust?”
“Jonathan,” God said, smirking back, as if he knew that he was my superior; he knew he could out-smirk the grandest of smirkers; “Argyle and stardust, you are. Do you feel like you’ve been hugged by something that...
If I didn't know.
“Maybe, if I didn’t know what it felt like to be so hard up for one person, you know, this wouldn’t even bother me at all.”
I have this uncle, Uncle Clark. Clark isn’t his real name, and it has no actual significance, other than the fact that he was a huge fan of Clark Gable’s movies growing up, so he made it very clear that he’d like to go by Clark and...
I had a dream.
Last night, or should I say, this morning, this afternoon, whatever…while I was sleeping, I had a dream that I got a haircut. It literally scared me awake. I woke up because I had a dream that I had short hair again. Really, Jon?
I'm not at the bar, tonight. No, seriously.
It’s a Tuesday, and there’s a blizzard. There’s usually blizzards on Tuesdays. No, wait…what I meant to say is that I usually don’t go to the bar on Tuesdays. There’s usually no good specials or really happening bars to go to during blizzards, so it’s the one night of the week that I’m able to not drink and actually not regret my decision. I mean,...
What hope do I have, then?
There’s this poor soul sitting alone at the bar. It wasn’t me, actually. No, seriously. This guy, I don’t get why, you know. He’s incredibly attractive. Tall, long blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty good fashion sense. It was karaoke night, so I also know that he has the voice of a goddamned angel. A nervous tick or two, he blinks awkwardly, kind of aggressively, and it’s...
Two-fifty nine nine
Count my steps down the stairs,
Count the hours I’m prepared,
To count sheep while I lay there,
And, gas has been at two-fifty nine nine,
For as long as I can remember,
And, I’ve been hung up over the wrong girls,
For as long as I remember,
I can only read Vonnegut,
For as long as I can remember,
And, I can only sleep for thirteen hours,
I wish I didn’t remember,
I creeped open...
I get by with a little help from my friends.
Or, at least, I realize that I’m a complete pushover.
“I really hate to say this. But, I think I have to.”
“Well,” I coughed out. Maybe with some beer, too. Maybe that’s the stain I found on my shirt the next morning. We’d went from an innocent conversation over drinks about the new Norah Jones album, why I loved it, why she loathed it, to her...
I've never been here.
Here’s something nice,
I’m nearly centered,
I’m growing sweetly,
Like a lump into the ether,
And, you, running barefoot,
And, me, pulling your tether,
Your feet pluming dust storms,
While I’m busy writing letters,
This isn’t so pleasant,
Pictures when pictures aren’t needed,
I could just be there,
Tugging your robe to its freedom,
Instead,...
Okay;
I think I’m finally going to be it.